You might think ‘The Bachelor’ franchise is a shallow waste of television airtime. You might be right. But if you’re like me and you’ve been a loyal fan of the show for many rose-colored years, you’ve always found a way to justify watching it: It was a long day. Mindless TV is relaxing. It’s funny. And hey, maybe these people really are in it for the right reasons?!
That was the old you (us). Now, as a mom, you will need a new way to justify watching it so that you don’t send a message to your children that this behavior is okay. You know it’s all in good fun, but would they?
With that in mind, I’ve compiled the Top Ten Life Lessons You Can Teach Your Children by Watching ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘The Bachelorette’:
10. Getting drunk will not make people like you. Drunk people usually look stupid and cry, or fall asleep on camera. (Lesson: The dangers of drugs and alcohol.)
9. Life isn’t all tropical islands and fantasy suite dates. Odds are you will never get to see the Swiss Alps in person and that’s okay. (Lesson: Disappointment happens, move on.)
8. (If you have a girl) It’s okay for guys fight over you. It’s pathetic to fight over a guy. (Lesson: Chivalry is not dead.)
7. Learn to expand your vocabulary. Leaning on words like ‘amazing,’ ‘incredible’ and ‘awesome’ will only make you look one-dimensional. (Lesson: Speech and language development.)
6. Don’t be a whore. (Lesson: Promiscuity is unacceptable.)
5. Be nice to your parents. You think we’re embarrassing now? Wait until you bring a date home. Wait until you bring a TV crew home. (Lesson: Honor thy father and mother. . wait, that’s a commandment … but still.)
4. What you may consider a bold gesture also has the potential to come off a little kooky. So think before you act, and NEVER – I mean ever – get a tattoo for a boyfriend or a girlfriend. (Lessons: Object permanence and poor decision making.)
3. Skinny dipping is for people with no personalities. (Lesson: Character development.)
2. Don’t be a cry baby. No one likes them. But if you are one, try not to do the ugly cry every time. (Lesson: Beauty basics 101.)
1. In life, your exit is just as important as your entrance. If you come in with poise and go out like a lunatic, you’ll probably be remembered as a lunatic. (Lesson: Courage and self respect.)
AND ONE MORE for good measure: If you find yourself in the middle of a proposal and you haven’t yet used the restroom after that person, DO NOT ACCEPT. This is commonly known as a ‘red flag.’ (Lesson: Don’t be an idiot.)
There. Now do you feel better about watching The Bachelor, mom?